My Favorites (Part one)

My posts have been super heavy the last couple of weeks, so I thought I would do something fun today and post some of my favorites, quotes, products, gif's, books, celebrites, movies etc. So here it goes! (and in no particular order)

Movies:

 

 

This fight sounds familiar

Books:

 

 

 

Don't judge me...LOL

 

Male celeb crush:

 





He always has and always will be my biggest celebrity crush ever.
RIP Paul

 

Woman celeb crush:

 









Carmen girl you are smokin'







 

Quotes:

 

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”

― Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

 

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”

― George Eliot

 

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

― Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You!

 

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

 

“You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”

― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

 

“I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. ”

― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

 

Products:

 

 

 

 







Bubba cup 32oz

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TRESemme Climate control products

 

 

 



Forever 21 PLUS leggings

 

 

 



 Favorite meme's:

 

 

 

That is has my friend, that it has.... 3 day weekend this weekend! YAY!

 

-Ali

 

Happy Halloween 2014

This past weekend was my sister-in-laws birthday and her boyfriend Phillips birthday. They had a halloween party. This was my costume

Jigsaw from the movie Saw

 

That bike was not meant for a 200lb adult

Chuckie, Freddy, Jigsaw, V for vendetta, a witch and Beetlejuice



This is the picture that got me. WOW. Yuck. My friend Kelsey over at Keeping Up With Kelsey did my makeup. She is my own personal little makeup artist and I love her! Then Sunday we went to Bellevue for Trick or Treat where my sister lives and we had a great time and walked about 10 miles. We had Anna, Elsa, Pikachu and Tinkerbell!

 

 

That night Gavin came down with a sore throat and has been sick ever since. I took him to the doctor and they gave him a strep test, but it came back negative, so he just has to wait it out. I hope he feels better for Trick or Treat on Thursday night. We have a birthday party and another halloween party on Saturday, hopefully we can make it if Gavin is feeling better.

Recently I have been feeling more down and ashamed of myself than I ever have in my entire life. My weight literally controls my whole life, the way I feel, the way I look, the way I think others see me, and the amount of time I spend playing with my kids because I am always so tired. ALL THE TIME. Here I am 26 years old and in worse shape than my 50 somethin' year old mother. Not saying people that are 50 are old or out of shape, but damn mama making me look all bad next to you...LOL Trick or treat proved this as my hips started to hurt from all the weight I am carrying around. I'm in terrible shape. I look at my body and think, ok, that part isn't too bad, but that could definetly use some work. I know my weight effects my spirit in huge ways because I never look people in the face, I avoid eye contact, and walk around with my head down. It could be worse, much worse, but to me this is as bad as I've ever been. Some people probably wouldn't agree with what I'm about to say, but as a woman sometimes you need to get this harmless confidence boost and I haven't gotten it in YEARS. I remember when I was smaller, men used to turn their heads my way, sometimes cat call but that no longer happens. I feel like an ugly woman that people don't find attractive. I know my weight doesn't define me. I am a nice person, I am a good mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. I know I am a pretty girl, but I don't smile much anymore because I am ashamed of my weight. I am always self conscience with how my clothes fit, how they lay on my body, and how I look to others when I am moving around. I wear alot of jackets, alot of black and anything to hold my stomach in. I fake that I am comfortable with myself but I am not. I look in the mirror somedays and think ok you look good today, then someone takes a picture and I look at that picture in total shock at how I really look. In my mind I still see myself as being about 150lbs so imagine my suprise when I see a picture of 220lb me, yes thats right 220lbs. When I run into people I haven't seen in years, I cringe at how they must see me. Yeah i've had kids, my body was destined to change, but I don't think thats an excuse. Alot of women have babies everyday and bounce right back to what they looked like before having kids or sometimes better (those bitches!) but that is not what's in the cards for me unfortunatly. I should have started to lose weight after I had Gavin but I didn't. I remember shortly after I had him, crying on my bed because my clothes wouldn't fit and right then and there I knew my life was never going to be the same, my body was never going to be the same. I kept all the weight I gained with him and the extra flab, for 5 years I just didn't care. Then I had Kynlee and gained more weight, not alot, but I gained and didn't worry about that weight either. I tried doing T25 and it worked great I lost 10 pounds, but I couldn't stick with it. I couldn't stick with eating good either. Mcdonalds and I have a love hate relationship and have for many many years. It's cheap, it's easy and it's open 24 hours. I am a busy full-time working mom of 2. Mcdonalds gets eaten alot. I'm frustrated I let myself go this bad. I'm frustrated that I can't just get in control of the situation and lose the weight.

 My friends and I decided we want to fight the good fight and join the gym and eat better. We did so well when we did it before, but I became pregnant with Kynlee and I stopped going, and everyone just kind of faded out unfortunatly. However, being that I am done having kids, and I feel like I am finally reallllly ready to commit, it would be a good idea to get everyone on board again, we even got a new friend to join, Donnie. Atleast this way with us all doing it, we can keep each other accountable, and make better food choices when we go out to dinner together. I really enjoy going to the gym versus working out at home. I tend to work out longer, and try harder when I see other people working so hard. I decided this time I refuse to post on FB/IG about going to the gym and that I am changing my lifestyle and eating. I hate seeing posts like that all the time, so I am going to strictly talk about it here on my blog to keep myself accountable. Nobody else has to see that unless they choose to come here, which by my follower count is absolutely nobody so thats good. So heres to another chance to be a better me. I really pray and hope that I can finally get in the right mindset this time, and really kick the weight off and keep it off. I don't want to be skinny, I want to be healthy and happy with myself. I'm not doing this for anyone but myself and my kids so they can have a more active and happy mom. Wish me luck!

-Ali

Welcome home

I cried in the car this morning. Do you ever just hear a song, and you can totally relate to it and it feels like it was written for you and what you are going through in life right at that moment. Totally me today. Today is an emotional day, as I will be seeing my good friend for the first time in 3 years. He is getting out of prison. I will not divulge into the details, because it is not my story to tell. I am so anxious and excited to see him. He is a huge part in my life. He is my husbands best friend and has been his friend all throughout his childhood and teen years. They lost touch after high school, but still remained friends but their lives took them in different directions. Austin became a dad, and Shawn was a normal teenager with the freedom to do whatever he wanted. I still remember Shawn and I laying in the water relaxing on "Buffalo Beach" while Austin was on the shore with some of our other friends and I asked him, "Do you think Austin would go out with me?" and he said, "I don't know why he wouldn't". He then when back and told Austin I was interested and the rest is history. Austin and I always had a connection with each other and he always flirted with me, but I always turned him down because he was younger and my friends little brother and I didn't want it to ruin our friendship, so when he knew I was interested in pursuing a relationship, everything just kind of fell into place. During those first few months together all of us did everything together, we have so many great memories and a ton of things to laugh about. We were just kids then. We were invincible and young, wild and free. We did stupid things that I wouldn't want to admit to my parents or children to this day. Shawn was there the day Gavin was born, he was there for Gavin's 1st birthday, he was there as a groomsman the day we were married, he was there for everything. Shawn and his family are our family. With him being gone, it was a huge void on our lives, especially on Austins. Gavin doesn't really remember Shawn and it kills me because he is just such an important person in our lives and he loves Gavin and was there for everything with Gavin. I wrote to Shawn as often as I could and I kept him in the loop with what was going on in our lives. I tried to always remember to write to him once a month, on holidays and his birthday. I made sure to always tell him he was loved and missed. We had our daughter why he was away, she's almost 2 now. I am excited for him to meet her. I am excited to see him and give him a hug. Shawn had a daughter, her name is Ali :-) a couple months before he went away. She has visited him many times and knows who her daddy is, but never on the outside. Today his life will change, today her life will change. It brings me to tears to know he will finally get to experience the true feeling of being a father and that Ali will finally get to have her daddy home. His mom will have her son home, his sisters will have their brother home. I am so happy for their family. I pray this transition goes smoothly for him, I pray that he keeps love, family and good friends around him at all times. I pray he stays on a straight path. I am nervous, happy, anxious, and excited to see him today. To see my husband hug his best friend for the first time in 3 years will probably be the end for me, and the tears will flow. I'm happy to have my friend back safe and sound at home and with his family where he belongs. Welcome home Shawn!

Grateful

Most of us don't realize how great our lives are. I know sometimes I forget. We aren't grateful for things. Sometimes I think things are really unbearable even though they are not. I stress and worry all the time. As a person who blogs, naturally I read other peoples blogs as well. I read other people's TRUE struggles. Their real life tragedies. It makes my problems seem much more trival. I promise to live everyday to it's fullest. To soak in and enjoy every single second I get to spend with my children. I want to be more kind and loving to my husband everyday. I don't want to take this time with my family for granted. I want to be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt and friend. I will no longer allow myself to sweat the small stuff. Who cares if the trash isn't taken out, who cares if there are dishes in the sink and the house is a mess, who cares if we don't have alot of money, who cares that we don't own a house, who cares if we don't drive the nicest vehicles or have the nicest clothes. Those material things come and go. My family does not. No longer will I spend the time I should be playing with my kids with my eyes glued to my phone or the TV. Get up play with your kids. They won't be little for long. Someone out there in this world is wishing they had just one more minute to spend with their child. Life is beautiful. Be grateful for what you do have in this world. I promise to kiss my family goodnight before bed. I promise to be forever grateful for my two beautiful children who I love more than anything in this entire world. Something yesterday just made me feel the need to express where I stand on my family, and how I want to always be humble and gracious in my life.

 I've recently just had this feeling that I am loved and being looked out for. On two seperate occasions this week I have had unexpected great things happen when I needed them most. No one knew about these small but signigicant tribulations, except for one person. My father. No not my dad (although I'm sure he knows, because he just gets me, kind of like the father I'm talking about), my father, your father, Our Father who is in heaven watching over all of us. Now I will admit I am not a religious woman. I have always been intrigued with knowing more about God, Jesus, the bible all of it. I can't tell you how many times I sat down to read the bible and thought this.

 

So that being said, I found out the bible is not meant to be read from front to back. So after googling how to read and understand the bible I found some useful ways to start reading the bible, and i've done just that. First though, I have been reading a book my friend Dan gave me by Steve Cast. I can't think of the name. It's a Q&A book from young christians to him. It is so interesting. I didn't want to put it down last night. Everything made more sense to me. I felt grateful for the closeness I experienced to the lord last night. Some of my friends may make fun of me for talking like this, but I don't care. I thanked him for my healthy happy children, my family and my friends and I thanked him for somehow bringing me closer to him and spiking my interest in him again. I promised to make more time for him, and I intend on keeping that promise. I owe it to him to do so after all he has done for me. For once in a long time last night, I got down onto my knees and instead of praying for things I needed help with, I thanked him for being close to me the last couple weeks and for being close to me always. I thanked him for keeping my family safe and for him to continue to keep them safe. I welcomed him into me and my family's hearts today and always. It felt so good. I had a great nights sleep and was very productive today in what needed to get done. After dinner and time with my family tonight, I will once again make time for him.

* I would like to happily announce that Gavin's eye is back to normal and he had the contact removed and everything looked great! I am so happy. Thank you lord. You are amazing. I may sound a little cooky today, but I decided to let my heart speak instead of my mind today. 

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You'll poke your eye out

Well it happend. My child poked his eye out. Well he didn't poke it OUT, but he sure did scratch the hell out of it. Tuesday night we went to Maid Rite for dinner (one of Gavin's favorite places) and we got a mint milkshake to take home. Well as we got into the house I didn't realize he was still holding his shake and I went to tickle him from behind. Due to my tickles he moved his head down (he is very ticklish) and right onto the milkshakes straw. Ouch. I have never heard him scream or cry as much in his life as he did that night. I was scared, I felt bad, I didn't know if he should be seen or not. I ended up taking him to the ER and the doctor said yes that he had scratched his cornea and gave us some ointment to put into his eye. Gavin didn't want to open his eyes like at all. The next day, I went off to work early in the morning and had instructed Austin to put the medicine in his eye and see how he does. Gavin wouldn't let Austin put stuff in his eye and refused to open his eye. Gavin called me in tears that he wanted me to come home. I left work to go home, called him into school and went home to be with him and his sister. All day he kept his eyes closed, refused to open them, but let me put medicine in it. I asked him if it was feeling any better and he told me no, that it felt worse. I called his pediatrician and told them the whole story and that it wasn't feeling any better and they referred us to an eye care specialist and had an appointment that day to be seen.

At the eye care specialist, they looked into his eye again and showed me how scratched up it was in multiple lights. It was bad. I am so totally grossed out by eyes in general so this had me straight up sick. They cleaned off his eye with a Q-tip (super gross) and told me they were going to put a "bandage eye contact" in. I was nervous and apprehensive as I've never had to deal with contacts so I asked every question in the book, "Will is fall out", "Will it bother him", "Can it move", "How to I keep it from drying out". Everything. So they put in the contact and he had instant relief. I had relief as well. He was able to open and close his eyes light still made his eyes hurt. So they gave him a little pair of sunglasses and told us to keep the contact in for 5 days and come back to have it removed. They also gave us eye drops that have steriods and antibiotics in them to help with the irritation and to prevent infection he has to have these 3 times a day. Gavin is at home with his dad and sister again today being that light still bothers him and he occasionally has to keep his eye closed because it still bothers him, but he says it feels better. So I am really glad. I'm not sure if he will be ready to go back to school or not yet, we will see how tonight goes. However I am extremely sad, I asked the eye doctor if it was ok for him to go to flag football practice and his game, and we were told No, that he wouldn't recommend it. So therefore, sad mom, sad football player. Oh well, I'd rather him take the week off for it to completely heal versus risking more injury to his eye. I pray he feels better soon, and the scratch heals quickly. I felt like such a guilty mom. The night we went to the ER he made my mother come with because "she is nice, and that he was mad at me." In the waiting room I asked him a question and he said, "I'm not talking to right now", then later I said I am so sorry buddy and he said, "I do not accept your apology!" I was heartbroken. Here he is the sweetest little guy in the whole entire world and he was mad at me. I probably said sorry 786529 times in the past 48 hours. Poor kid. I'm pretty sure this is what he thought of me....

 He's asked to see my mom everyday since the accident and called her at work to ask her to bring him ice...spoiled little grandmas boy. He also asked for ice cream during his visit at the eye doctor, in front of the eye doctor, (and who can say no in front of the doctor, not me.) So we went for ice cream before dinner. Awesome parenting, I know.

Here's my poor buddy attempting to watch TV

 And all the while his sister managed to come out unscathed from her brothers accident and she just wanted to act crazy and silly yesterday, here are some examples...

Brothers shoes, no pants and a hat

Wearing her "Big" Papa's glasses

Oh the life of a mother. Your duty is never over and your job is never done. Even when they are 26, believe me I know, I still keep my own mom on duty. Good thing we they are so cute. Therefore your lesson for today and forever, do not tickle your children when they have a cup with a straw in their hands. Better yet do away with straws. I know I am. Who needs a BB gun to shoot their eye out, when a straw will poke it out just fine. Damn mint shake.

A little hocus pocus and football

 Is it really Monday AGAIN! :-( I can officially say Fall is here and I love it! :-)I had a pretty eventful weekend. Friday night started off by taking Gavin to football practice. I was the one and only mother on the sidelines. It was freezing that night, all of the other mothers stayed in their cars, me and 3 of the dads braved the cold. I looked ridiculous. I had a pink blanket tied around my head because my hood wouldn't stay on from the wind, and I was literally bouncing in my chair to keep warm. True football mom dedication right there. Then me and the kids went on a dinner date because Austin had a work party to go to and then we went shopping at Target, and my bill was under $50 so thats a win. We bought the movie Hocus Pocus and went home and watched it. The kids loved it. Actually Kynlee didn't really care, she just kind of walked around the living room like she always does and climbed on me about 1700 times. The when Austin got home we all went to bed. I'm pretty sure it was 10:00pm. Lame I know. Saturday I spent the morning and afternoon with the kids. Later that evening my husband and I went out with some of our friends and we had a great time!

 



Then on Sunday was my son's first flag football game. His team, The Gators, won 20-0!!! Way to go Gators! Mom is so proud of you Gavin! You are growing up to be such a wonderful young man and I have never felt more proud of anything in my life than being your mother. After his game we took him for a victory lunch at his favorite spot, Steak and Shake so he could have his favorite mint milkshake. Kid is addicted. He ate the entire thing and I'm pretty sure he would of liked the inside of his cup if he was able to.

This T-shirt is so me...guilty.

My favorite T-shirt ever I must have this

It was a wonderful weekend. I am so thankful to have every weekend off to enjoy with my family and friends. Mondays come too soon. Last night I went grocery shopping for my breakfast and lunches. I am really proud of what I bought for myself. Now I can stay on track for the week. Oatmeal for breakfast, a big bowl of carrots and light buffalo ranch dressing to snack on throughout the day and a delicious salad for lunch for the next 4 days. I will also be sure to get in all my water for the day with two refills of my Bubba cup. Even if I can stay on track all week and not go too out of control on the weekends, I feel like I should do pretty well. I am undecided if  I just want to take walks outside after work or walk on the treadmill, or do T25. I will see what I am in the mood for when the time comes I guess. However I will be doing one of them. I'm a little bitter today because the Bears lost. However I have a new team to cheer on, GO GATORS!

Sharing is caring

My blog got a facelift today. It was much needed. A special thanks to shabbyblogs.com and thecutestblogontheblock.com for the super cute design and header for my blog. I have been blogging now for 7 months. I've had some friends check out my blog, and with their positive feedback, I think I may take my blog public. Well it's already public, but I mean share it on my facebook and instagram for real life people to see. I am slightly embarassed by this. Am I a good enough writer to be sharing my personal thoughts with others? Yikes.

No big plans for the weekend, all I know is I am going to enjoy it, this week was a very long week. I will probably have some drinks thats for sure, then kiss on my babies allllll weekend long. Gavin started flag football a couple weeks ago, this sunday will be his first game! I am so excited to see him play. GO GATORS! The hubby and I actually get to enjoy a weekend together for once (he works most weekends) so that will be nice. Possible night out together on Saturday night? I think so!

 

 

-Ali

 

 

 

And just like that she's back in the game

It has been far too long since I have mentioned anything about being healthier and losing weight. I keep putting it off and turning my nose up at the thought of saying bye bye to all the yummy foods I enjoy and relaxing on the couch after work. I think about it, but by the end of the day I'm all like "well you ate terribly today, so whats the point of doing any exercise." Stupid I know, but true so very true. My mind is a scary place. I talk myself out of doing the right things, whether it being making good choices about food, money or what needs to get done for the day. It's a constant battle with myself.

 

Today I want to end the battle. I deserve more than I am giving myself. I ate a horrible breakfast, but it will stop there. No more. I always hear, it just has to "click" for you and you have to be in a place where you really want to change and there are just no other options. Excuses my friends. I have millions of them. "Im tired", "I worked all day and I just want to relax", "I've done this before and nothing happend so why put yourself through unnecessary stress", "You only live once you might as well enjoy yourself." Then it hit me. You only live once. That is all I need to hear. Why live one more day being uncomfortable, unhappy, unhealthy, pretty much un-everything. You only get so much time in this world, tomorrow is a gift, not a guarantee.

 

 When I see or hear about someone taking care of themselves and wanting to make a change, I give them this:

 

 

or

 

 

 

But really, I'm just doing this to myself. I'm sorry to the people I have made to feel this way. I am just unhappy with myself and when I see you succeeding it makes me feel poorly about myself. Good for you for making the change. Stuffing myself into my jeans today was not cute, or fun it was actually really depressing. I dream of the day I can walk into any store and find clothes without having to go to the plus size area. I dream of the day I feel happy with the way my clothes fit me. To know when people look at me they aren't thinking look at the fat girl, to be able to look people in the face and feel confident instead of staring at the gound because I am ashamed of how I look. I will never ever forget the time I was leaving the grocery store with my kids and husband. I was packing the groceries in the back as my husband was putting the kids in the car and an elderly man walked right up to me and said, "You know if you eat wheatgrass is helps with weight loss and supresses your appetite you should really get yourself some." I was so shocked and embarassed that all I could say was "Thank you" when what I really wanted to say was "F*ck you!" I was in utter shock and disbelief. A total stranger had just basically told me I was fat. I was upset. I have never forgotten that man.

 

So basically it's time for a change. "The" change if you will. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of being lazy. I am tired of my clothes not fitting. I am tired of looking at pictures of myself and being disgusted.

Done.

I will do this the way I want to do it. I will stick to it. I will be successful and I will continue to be successful . I won't compare myself to others. I won't let people make me feel bad for being healthier. I won't let food control my life any longer. I have no specific plan as of right now. I am just going to take it one day at a time. Move more, eat less, eat better.

 

...and yes that one cookie will kill you, and maybe I will take that man up on his offer and buy me some wheatgrass.

 



 

-Ali