I miss you

I am feeling very emotional and sad as today marks 14 years that my grandma p has been gone. In November it will be 11 years my grandma k has been gone. (I will be posting about her at that time) By saying these two women were the best grandmas anyone could ever ask for would be an understatement. There is nothing these women loved more than their families, they devoted their entire lives to their family.

Grandma P was me, my sister and my mom's everything. Grandma P was one of the funniest women i've ever met. She would teach my sister and I inappropriate funny phrases in German, and always had a wise crack for anyone who would listen. She was an ornery woman. She was so fun. Grandma liked Richard Gere, Pretty Woman was on constant replay when my sister and I visited.  She loved figure skating and anytime it was on TV my sister and I would call grandma and talk to her about it, still to this day if I see someone figure skate, I instantly want to pick up the phone and call her. Grandma P lived with us for many years until she went to live in a senior community with my aunt. We visited her multiple times a week and spent the weekends taking her out to do things with us. She was not well for the majority of the time I remember. Grandma was on dialysis, had problems with her heart and eventually lost her short battle with pancreatic cancer. I was 12 and I was devasted. It was the first funeral I had ever been to and the first immediate family I had ever lost. I feel like every year that passes, I lose more and more of the great memories and it kills me. I only got 12 years with my grandma, and the majority of it would be hard for anyone to remember as I was pretty young. What I do remember is she loved us and how her face would light up when we visited especially when she was having a hard day in dialysis and we stopped by to help pass the time with her.

 The strange thing about dialysis is that my grandma had dialysis with my husbands grandpa. Grandma met my husband before I knew who he was. It makes me happy to know they actually met at one time even though she probably never thought for a minute that would be her grandson in-law someday. My aunt and my husbands grandma became fast friends when my grandma and his grandpa passed (in the same year). It wasn't until I went to his grandmas house with my aunt that I saw a picture of my friend (my sister-in-law) on her grandmas wall. I asked how she was realted to her and her grandma explained it was her grand-daughter. It wasn't until a couple years after that my sister in law and I would make our way into each others lives again when we were in the same group of friends and due to that, I spent alot of time at her house with her brother (my husband.) That is how I met my husband and I truely believe GOD works in mysterious ways and brought my grandma and his grandpa together for a reason, so that I could meet my husband and go on to have children of our own, their great grandchildren. My son Gavin's due date was September 16th the day my grandma passed away. However he was born on September 18th. I now have a happy memory of today knowing my sons birthday was supposed to be today. It helps with the feeling of loss I have every year to celebrate his birth shortly after. We have a boy and a girl. Gavin is sweet, kind, loving and calm like Gene was and Kynlee is wild, crazy, funny, quirky and loves everyone in her family like my grandma was. We got the best of both worlds back in our lives.

 I wrote grandma a letter the day of her funeral, I remember kissing her and slipping the note in her hands. I don't remember what it said, I wish I did but I am sure it was extremely devastating, but knowing that little bit of my heart (my writing) is still with her gives me peace. Our family was lost without her, we still are. We miss her terribly. There isn't a day that goes by where my heart doesn't miss her, and I feel as though a piece of my heart will always be missing until I see her again someday. I wish she were here to meet my kids, she would adore them. I know she is watching and I  truely believe that she did meet them before they were born, but I would love to see her with them now. I love you and miss you more than anything Gurdy. Until we meet again.

 

-Ali