It has been far too long since I have mentioned anything about being healthier and losing weight. I keep putting it off and turning my nose up at the thought of saying bye bye to all the yummy foods I enjoy and relaxing on the couch after work. I think about it, but by the end of the day I'm all like "well you ate terribly today, so whats the point of doing any exercise." Stupid I know, but true so very true. My mind is a scary place. I talk myself out of doing the right things, whether it being making good choices about food, money or what needs to get done for the day. It's a constant battle with myself.
Today I want to end the battle. I deserve more than I am giving myself. I ate a horrible breakfast, but it will stop there. No more. I always hear, it just has to "click" for you and you have to be in a place where you really want to change and there are just no other options. Excuses my friends. I have millions of them. "Im tired", "I worked all day and I just want to relax", "I've done this before and nothing happend so why put yourself through unnecessary stress", "You only live once you might as well enjoy yourself." Then it hit me. You only live once. That is all I need to hear. Why live one more day being uncomfortable, unhappy, unhealthy, pretty much un-everything. You only get so much time in this world, tomorrow is a gift, not a guarantee.
When I see or hear about someone taking care of themselves and wanting to make a change, I give them this:
or
But really, I'm just doing this to myself. I'm sorry to the people I have made to feel this way. I am just unhappy with myself and when I see you succeeding it makes me feel poorly about myself. Good for you for making the change. Stuffing myself into my jeans today was not cute, or fun it was actually really depressing. I dream of the day I can walk into any store and find clothes without having to go to the plus size area. I dream of the day I feel happy with the way my clothes fit me. To know when people look at me they aren't thinking look at the fat girl, to be able to look people in the face and feel confident instead of staring at the gound because I am ashamed of how I look. I will never ever forget the time I was leaving the grocery store with my kids and husband. I was packing the groceries in the back as my husband was putting the kids in the car and an elderly man walked right up to me and said, "You know if you eat wheatgrass is helps with weight loss and supresses your appetite you should really get yourself some." I was so shocked and embarassed that all I could say was "Thank you" when what I really wanted to say was "F*ck you!" I was in utter shock and disbelief. A total stranger had just basically told me I was fat. I was upset. I have never forgotten that man.
So basically it's time for a change. "The" change if you will. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of being lazy. I am tired of my clothes not fitting. I am tired of looking at pictures of myself and being disgusted.
Done.
I will do this the way I want to do it. I will stick to it. I will be successful and I will continue to be successful . I won't compare myself to others. I won't let people make me feel bad for being healthier. I won't let food control my life any longer. I have no specific plan as of right now. I am just going to take it one day at a time. Move more, eat less, eat better.
...and yes that one cookie will kill you, and maybe I will take that man up on his offer and buy me some wheatgrass.
-Ali
No comments:
Post a Comment